Forged by Divine Fire

The more I concentrate on God forging me by the fire of His Love the stronger I feel internally.

My desire is not to be just heated metal. Yes, hardened by hammering molten metal but not so much where eventually light reflects off some shiney surface to blind others. The metal forged within me by divine fire is to frame something great.

My deeper desire is to be like glass blown by the breath of God. To be transluent for His light. May His fire form the rest of me so that the Light of His Love beams through my core. May I be also blown glass so that others see the colors of God's love refracting off me. This is something truly great.

I want to be a lantern of God's Love. Framed by strong metal holding together vulnerable glass which allows His Light to shine through and out. Both metal and glass are necessary for this lantern. Both forged by divine fire separately so they can come together as one for His purpose.

And this is how each of us is prepared and how a loving relationship is formed. Strong enough to embrace your beloved in every need, yet vulnerable enough for your beloved to enter into your inner sanctuary whether the light is dim or bright.

How do you know if he or she is your beloved? He or she risks being a lantern of God's Love with you.

Crossing the Bridge

I am crossing the bridge between surviving and thriving. Over the past year I have been living the life of a surviving spouse. I never had given that label much thought prior to the passing of my wife. When I first came across this label applied to me, I resisted it and resented it, understandably so. I felt like I had not survived anything. I was devasted by the loss of my wife. Not until the aftermath of the shock had I begun to understand the survival mode involved in the grieving process. 

I was definitely surviving once the shock began to lessen. I began to survive minute by minute, then hour by hour, and then day by day. Even after more than a year, there are days where I am just surviving with my tears of mourning.

Those days have begun to occur with less frequency. So I have reflected on how this has occurred. Yes, time is a factor, but time alone does not heal. Time does allow for healing, but the real healing begins because of hope entering into one's heart. This light of hope in my heart comes from my Christian faith, no doubt. Yet this faith cannot exist in isolation.

I cannot live my life of faith alone. Honestly I do not know how anyone can live alone in this world. God created us to be for one another. Even God himself is not alone. God is the perfect communion of persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Each of us is made in the image and likeness of God. That is, I am to be in communion with other people. My family, friends, and faith community support me and accompany me along my way.

Because I have this strong conviction to the vocation of being a husband again, God calls me to be in an intimate communion with my next beloved woman of God. The hope I see in this vocation is the light on the other side of this bridge that I am walking, from a life of surviving to a life of thriving. I am eager to return to such a life.

I know first hand what such a thriving life of a husband is like. I once had that life. Yet I am not seeking that exact life again, not at all. The woman whom God is preparing for me is not the same woman who was my wife. This is why I must trust that God is making me ready for her, my new beloved. He is preparing us so that together we may thrive according to his will, not ours.

I walk this bridge, not alone, but with two women. First I continue to walk with my first wife who has passd this earthly existence into the next. She remains in my heart for all eternity. Our love remains an essential part of me. The other woman on this bridge is my future beloved whom God is making ready for me. She too is with me, but veiled. God will reveal us to one another when he has made us ready, at his time and in his way.

If we cross this bridge too quickly, I could miss her or she could miss me. God wants us to know one another as beloveds so we must trust that he walks with us too on this journey to one another. God desires for us to meet on the other side of this bridge where we will thrive together in love, joy, and peace. This is where my trust rest, on this bridge from surviving to thriving where God walks with us, never alone, always together.

Suffering without Children

God reveals to us that children are a great blessing to a married couple. They are also a great blessing to the world. This there is no doubt.

What of those married couples who are unable to conceive children? What of those married couples who struggle to conceive and in that painful struggle were unable to remain married?

What of those married couples who so desired to have children and in their hour of greatest need did conceive but loss the baby?

What of those married couples who tried earnestly to have children in every ethical and moral way yet were never blessed so?

To suffer through life without children is a daily reminder that God, the Author of Life, denies you this great blessing. There is no poorer soul than the person who understands such a blessing, desires to be blessed, yet remains without child.

This poverty remains when the married person is no longer married due either to death or divorce. This poverty continues to be a source of great suffering. The no-longer-married person continues to see others who are married, widowed, or divorced relate to one another through their common bond of children.

Let me offer my own personal example. I, a widower, attend a grief support group. The table at which I sit has others like me who have lost a spouse unexpectedly. This group of men and women are a beautiful testimony of faith in their sufferings. We support and lift each other up in ways that only we understand. Yet I sit there uniquely alone because I am the only person without children. This has been the story of my married life and continues to be my story as a widower. I suffer in my poverty of not having the blessing of children.

During grief support, not a conversation happens without one of them speaking of the blessing of their children. What I hear is the blessing but I also hear, "Yes, I lost my spouse but at least I have my children."

I do not resent anyone who has children. I am happy for them because I do understand that children are a great blessing. This is why I suffer. I understand and desire, yet remain without.

I also belong to a wonderful, truly wonderful, small faith community at my church. All of them with the exception of myself and one other person have children. And to no surprise, conversations frequently center on or are redirected to the blessing of their children. I am sincerely happy for them and again feel no resentment toward any of them. Yet I sit there again suffering without children.

I work for a publishing company in which the vast majority of our products focus on children, are for families with children, school programs for children, or parish programs for all ages of children. The majority of my job has been to develop products for the benefit of children. This has been a tremendous blessing in my life. Yet this can be and has been painful. Part of me has adapted to the reality of suffering without children just so I can survive, cope, and hopefully joyfully live in the moment.

So many conversations and moments in life rightfully focus on children. My family, whom I love dearly, continues because of children. Framed photos of children are displayed in our homes, rightfully honoring the blessing of children and grandchildren. All three of my brothers are married with children. My nieces and nephews are a tremendous blessing to me and was to my wife when we were together. When we realized that God was not going to bless us with children of our own, we decided to be the best uncle and aunt we could be to our nieces and nephews. Again I love and cherish each one of them as a great blessing in my life. Yet I have not experienced the beautiful messiness of raising and caring for childen. So I have never been called, Daddy.

I have found that if I can apply my Christian faith of embracing poverty then the sting of my suffering is less painful. Yet there is only so much a Christian widower with no children can offer on the Cross of Christ. I feel like that I have literally offered up everything of my life. At some point, if everything meaningful in life is placed on the Cross, what is one left with? Lord, shall I remain crucified? Perhaps that is God's plan for me thus far. I know there is great hope and await for God to bless me. So in my poverty, I wait for my resurrection in prayer.

The Grief of God

If grief is the price of love and God is love, how God must grieve! Is this not the essence of the Cross of Christ?

When you see the blood and water flow forth from the side of Christ, know that the blood comes from every broken heart and the water from all the crying eyes in the world. If we seek unconditional love and eternal life, then we need to say yes Lord to His Love. We need to say, Jesus I trust in You.

The Church teaches us to offer up our sufferings to God and place them on the Cross. This is not a situation of misery loves company. This is the only way our sufferings can be redemptive. We must learn to grieve with God so He who is love can fully embrace us even in our sufferings. That full embrace of God is only possible if we let God embrace us. He can never force his love on us, nor can we fully receive his love unless we say yes to God.

I need to accept all that God has planned for me, even when that includes the sufferings of this earthly life. I need to accept that in this earthly existence life is fragile and love can be lost. This does not mean life is without meaning nor love is without significance. The opposite is true. The meaning of life is known when we sacrifice for love. This sacrifice is not denying nor ignoring one's own needs. The opposite is true. Sacrificing for love is offering the full, sincere gift of self to another whom God has given as one's beloved. Just as Christ has done for me, I am called to do same for another, for my beloved.

Your beloved may be your spouse, your sibling, or your closest of friends. Your beloved is that one person in your life whom you can be your truest self. Your beloved is the one with whom you can be in that most vulnerable space as you offer yourself as a sincere gift, trusting that your beloved accepts all of you.

This is what God has done for us. He offers Himself, fully vulnerable, as the most sincere gift to us. When we sin, we reject God in his vulnerable, sincere gift of self. In sin, we reject God's love. In our sins, God grieves because He is to be our most beloved of all beloveds.

I imagine God grieves in my rejection, neglect, or loss of His love. Knowing the pain of grieving personally, I vow every moment to love God evermore. I know that I will fail at times, but in sickness and in health, I vow still the same to love. I ask for his mercy and forgiveness when I fail to love Him as He deserves.

In my own grieving, I realize evermore the depths of God's love for me. Not because I grieve like God, but because God grieves ever the more than I could possibly imagine. God's love is greater than my best love, His grieving is beyond what I can comprehend. The price of His love is The Cross where Love becomes redemptive and salvfic, where Life has meaning.

In this earthly life, love and grief will always be intimately connected just as life and pain are connected. Yet with God's grace, his plan for love and life is worth the grief and pain. This life in Christ is worth every painful experience, worth every grieving moment. Why? Because unconditional love and eternal life are worth the price, which Christ has already paid.

Grow In Love

Then [Jesus] said to his disciples,

"The harvest is abundant but the laborers are few;

so ask the master of the harvest

to send out laborers for his harvest."

--Matthew 9:37-38

Jesus sent out these Twelve after instructing them thus,

"Do not go into pagan territory or enter a Samaritan town.

Go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.

As you go, make this proclamation: 'The Kingdom of heaven is at hand.'"

--Matthew 10:5-7

Jesus said to his Apostles:

"As you go, make this proclamation:

'The Kingdom of heaven is at hand.'

Cure the sick, raise the dead,

cleanse the lepers, drive out demons.

Without cost you have received; without cost you are to give.

--Matthew 10:7-8

These pasaages come from a few Gospel readings during the Fourteenth Week in Ordinary Time. Reflecting on these passages, I am led to consider Jesus' message for me today. What can I learn from what Christ is teaching his chosen twelve? What is God teaching me?

Seems to me that Christ is demonstrating how to grow in love when proclaiming the Gospel. So I want to apply his way of growing in love to my life. Since I am called to witness for Christ, my life must be a gospel proclamation.

The harvest is abundant, but the laborers are few. Go to the lost sheep.

Cure, raise, cleanse, and drive out.

So what do these have to do with my life as a gospel proclamation? What meaning do these have for a life of growing in love?

Those in need of love are many, abundant. Yet those who labor in love like God are few, only the chosen.

Those chosen who seek to love like God are sent out to love the world. They need to seek to love first those lost like they once were. That is, the chosen are to first love family, friends, and close loved ones. In this way, the chosen are tested, grounded, and strengthen in the way of God's love. You and I, if chosen, are called to something greater than ourselves and beyond our own abilities. 

When you encounter your lost loved ones in need of God's love, be sure to love them by curing them from what prevents them from accepting the ultimate cure of God's love. How do we cure them? You walk with them in truth and in love, inviting them to receive the merciful love of God's grace in the sacraments. You and I are not the cure, God is. You and I are not even the doctors, God is the Divine Physician. We are only messengers of God healing grace.

God calls us to cleanse our lost loved ones of what blocks or covers over love. This most likely means we need to meet them where they are, even if things get messy. We must be willing to enter into their messy lives without judgment by bringing forth the memories of messiness from our own lives. The cleansing is not about pointing out their faults, nor our own, necessarily. This cleansing is about being vulnerable together before God. We are called to demonstrate to them how we were cleansed ourselves so they can see in us the truth, beauty, and goodness of God. We need to empathize with them by sharing our own stories and listening to theirs. We must keep the memory alive of how we were cleansed by the redemption of Jesus Christ.

God also calls us to raise up our lost loved one. How do we raise them up? We never give up on them. We walk with them. We are there when they need us most. We encourage them when they are down. We hold them up when they are weak. We embrace them when they are in pain. We even carry them when they can no longer move. We are to be Christ to them so they know that they are seen, that they belong, and that they are loved even in their weaknesses and sins.

God calls us to stay with our lost loved ones until the light of love drives out the darkness within, driven out enough so they who were once lost, may shine with God's love for others in the darkness. In this way, the light of God's love will take root and bloom.

The darkness that prevents, blocks, ignores, or neglects love is more like the soil in which the seed of God's love is planted. This is a matter of perspective. What seems to prevent or block may in truth be nutrients that strengthen instead. What seems to ignore or neglect may in truth be spacing between waterings. Again, this is a matter of perspective, a perspective that calls for growth. And in order for growth to happen, we need one another, we need to be like a garden where God tends the soil of our souls.

For the lost loved ones the darkness is overwhelming, but God's consuming love in our fallen yet redeemed world is greater. We cannot overcome the darkness alone. We need one another to ground us in the truth and be beacons in the darkness, helping one another to make it thru the storms. Yet though dark storms may overwhelm us in the moment, the rains that come in these storms can cleanse us, if we open up ourselves to God's grace and plan for our lives.

In the storms of our lives, love is often planted. Love needs patience to grow within. Within that darkness, love is germinating, taking root, feeling the warmth of the Holy Spirit. That dark warmth is nurturing the roots before the flower can bloom. This can be painful, and often is. That is what growing pains are.

This is not a process that can be rushed, pushed, or falsely fabricated. This I know too well. Therefore time is necessary for us to grow in love, if we are to flower and bloom as God desires for us. To grow in love takes a lifetime.

Simple, Not Easy

Life is simple.

This doesn't mean life is easy.

Life is difficult,

But the choices are clear.

And timing is key.

Venerable Fulton J. Sheen once said:

"Patience is not an absence of action;

rather it is "timing." It waits on the right time to act, for the right principles, and in the right way."

Patience is a struggle, at least for me, because patience is all about timing. And my timing has not been good, thus I struggle mightily in telling a joke. I am learning that I need to be patient, or more specifically I need to trust in God's timing.

In a relationship, patience with one another requires clear, effective communication to be synchronized or in harmony with your beloved. And this is best achieved when both are trusting in God's plan for them.

This is where the analogy of dancing makes so much sense to me, despite being a terrible dancer. The couple dancing must not only trust each other but also coordinate their efforts according to the rhythm of the music they both hear. The music is God's plan for them. If either or both dancers are not paying attention to the music or struggle to move with the music together, then the couple will be frustrated in their relationship, stumbling along the way.

Consider what Saint Paul writes:

"I, then, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to live in a manner worthy of the call you have received, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another through love, striving to preserve the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace: . . ."

--Ephesians 4:1-3

Over the last year, I have struggled with my impatient heart because I have been dealing with the impact of grief and its companion anxiety. Slowly the Holy Spirit is purging the impatience and anxiety in my heart, but my impatience demands the newness of God's plan for me to be contained in this old self.

Consider what Jesus tells the disciples of John the Baptist:

"People do not put new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise the skins burst, the wine spills out, and the skins are ruined.

Rather, they pour new wine into fresh wineskins, and both are preserved."

--Matthew 9:17

This process of purging is not without pain or difficulties. The pain is most often self-inflicted and the difficulties often impact my relationships. My old heart must be made anew to receive the fullness of the new love God has planned for me. And recently new wine has been slipping away. This has been devastating to me.

Recently I have been stoking the fire of the Holy Spirit. God did not abandoned me, but accepted my, um "determination" or "stubbornness." He met me where I was at while I continued to stoke the fire. This painful process remains in some degree while the burn consumes every remnant of my old self. This is the reality of our earthly existence.

Many of my selfish impatient ways that stoked the fire were purged from me recently, leaving me utterly exhausted and feeling empty. Despite my stubborn ways, God forged within me a confidence that I could not have made on my own. This newly forged confidence has restored in me the fruits of the Holy Spirit. Only focusing on the Sacred Heart of Jesus and opening myself up to his grace has this patient confidence been restored.

Patience is one of the twelve fruits of the Holy Spirit (see Galatians 5:22-23).

Consider this passage:

"See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient with it until it receives the early and the late rains. You too must be patient. Make your hearts firm, because the coming of the Lord is at hand.” — James 5:7-8 

Ashes from the fire of the Holy Spirit can fuel the soil of your soul. Yet patience is necessary to tend the garden of your heart. God knows what he is doing for he alone is Creator. Allowing God to properly nourish the soil will yield a great harvest of fruit within your relationships. Believe me, this is not easy.

Like in gardening, turning the soil is necessary to cause the heat required to activate the nutrients that feed the plants. Yet if you overturn the soil too often, if you stoke the fire before it is ready, you will not yield the results you desire nor need. You must learn to let the ground rest, to not rush the process. You cannot force growth. Be ready for the blooms when they arrive for the harvest will yield a great feast.

That is God's plan for life and love. Simple but not easy.

Memento Mori

"Remember death." Memento Mori.

This Stoic motto has found a renewed interest in today's culture. The interest comes from a place less about death and more about seeking a more meaningful life.

The following most likely will come across as ramblings, but that is the best I can offer on the connected topics of life, death, love, and grief.

Personally over the last year, Death and I have faced each other intimately with intensity. My wife of nearly twenty-five years unexpectedly passed away in May of 2022. So Death has hit me hard this past year. Every moment of every day, I remember death and felt the sting of death beyond comprehension, beyond explanation.

I know Death so personally that I want to forget Death. But forgetting Death is not an option. If I was to forget Death, I would not only ignore the reality of this mortal coil of our earthly existence, I would forget the value of life to its fullest. That is, to remember death is to appreciate life and to see every moment of every day as a blessing with purpose.

Memes abound on social media on so many topics, including death and grief. I have found comfort in some of these inspirational sayings but I have come to realize my need for the inspiration of people closest to me in my daily living. I need intimacy in my life and this is only possible by being vulnerable to one whom God brings to me as gift. This is a struggle for me. 

I deeply desire and need intimacy. This is part of the essence of who I am. I know and believe that God calls me to be husband, again. However, the closer I grow in love with another woman, the greater the risk of the pain and suffering that I have already experienced once. The severity of the pain I have in grief is due to greatness of love Brandi and I shared as husband and wife.

Furthermore, I find myself in a rare situation. Most single men at my age are single either because they never married or their marriage ended in divorce. So for most of these single men, the potential first or next wife is not concerned about the other woman because either there was no other one or the other woman is at best the mother of the children. I realize this is an oversimplification or perhaps unfair stereotype. I mean no offense to any single man or single woman. My point is this: the end of my marriage had absolutely nothing to do with my choices nor my behavior.

Though my marriage was far from perfect, we had a really good marriage. In fact, our marriage was getting better than ever a few months before Brandi passed away. Brandi and I loved each other faithfully and unconditionally. We were committed to loving one another for the rest of our lives. That commitment was a daily choice we made to one another in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad.

Yet I cannot deny who I am nor God's calling in my life. I cannot imagine what a woman feels, let alone a single woman whose previous marriage ended in divorce who dates a single man who is now a widower. The dynamics is unique and not easy to navigate. There will always be another woman whom the widower loved to his fullest. 

Yet I know for me personally, God has given my heart a capacity to love beyond what I thought ever possible. I am a one woman kind of guy, yet I will never stop loving Brandi. Somehow God expanded my heart to hold this incredible gift of love for two women with faithfulness and fidelity. I just pray that God brings forth a woman whose heart can love the man I am, a man who remembers death because in doing so I hold onto the life and love I had with Brandi.

In this process of grief, I have learned:

1. Life and love are to be cherished. We should always be grateful for every moment we can spend with those who choose to walk with us.

2. Time is limited. Death does come like a thief in the night. So we need to spend our time together intentionally and without fear.

3. Our earthly life is one of perpetual healing. Yes, each moment of each day moves us closer to our last. However, each of us has a choice on the perspective we take. You can fear death knowing the inevitable ends approaches or you can enjoy life knowing that we continually heal from the growing pains of loving life to the fullness. The choice is clear, though never easy. I choose memento mori.

Noble Metals

This was written originally for a series I wrote called, God's Game Plan for Men.

Allow me to speak briefly one more time, about the virtuous living of the husband. Note that the sign of his nobility, a reminder of his commitment, is his wedding ring.

The wedding ring is made of at least one of the noble metals: silver, gold, and platinum. These metals are referred to as noble because they are well known for their ability to resist oxidation. In other words the ring resists rust no matter its exposure. These metals have a sense of permanence in the air because they do not deteriorate according to changing winds.

Likewise his ring is to make well known to all of the permanence of his marriage. The virtuous husband lives according to a life composed of chastity and intimacy. Chastity is about integration for completion. In other words the husband is able to resist lust because of what he is “made of.” And most importantly his noble heart never breaks with rage or anger when weathered by his environment. He is able to give the whole gift of himself to his beloved without reservation, because intimacy is his response. Violence is conquered with valor, and his ring of honor is due to God being Lord in the sanctuary of his home. He is as Christ is to the Church, hers.

Brandi Christine Spurgin

Brandi Christine (Baker) Spurgin, born October 4, 1973 in New London, CT, passed away unexpectedly on May 22, 2022 at Houston Methodist Hospital, The Woodlands, TX.

The Funeral Mass will be held at 1:00 PM on Wednesday, June 15, 2022 at St. Anthony of Padua Catholic Church, 7801 Bay Branch Drive, The Woodlands, TX 77382. There will also be a Memorial Service held at 6:00 PM, Friday, June 17, 2022 at The Fellowship Church, 12314 Rose Road, Willis, TX 77378. For questions, please contact Eickenhorst Funeral Services 936-788-1145.

In lieu of flowers, Brandi's wish was that donations in her name be made to St. Anthony of Padua Catholic Church in The Woodlands, TX, especially to the music ministry, adult faith formation, and St. Anthony’s Bread food pantry. And remember hugs can be medicinal, so hug like Brandi.

Brandi recently earned her Masters of Library and Information Science (Summa Cum Laude) from the University of North Texas, where she also had received her B.A. in anthropology and operatic music. For the past few years, Brandi worked as an IT Business Analyst for Sam Houston State University (SHSU) in Huntsville, TX. Prior to SHSU, she compiled an impressive resume in financial analysis, asset security, and risk management. After nearly twenty years in the corporate world, Brandi fulfilled her dream of genealogy and desire for service.

Brandi had an incredible gift for details and research. She combined that with her love for family and earned her certificate in genealogical research from Boston University and was part of the ProGen Study Group (group 30). In her spare time, Brandi contracted with Ancestry, was an Archive Indexer for FamilySearch, and served on the Board of Directors as Librarian for Montgomery County Genealogical & Historical Society. She volunteered as a Genealogy Speaker for the Stewart Library in Montgomery, TX. Brandi was extremely proud to be in the Daughters of the American Revolution, where she volunteered as Genealogical Research Committee Chair for the Twin Creeks Chapter in Texas.

Brandi served many families through her own research services and blogged at Genealogy Woman. Her love for genealogy was far more than just gathering information. She realized that in telling the stories of the past, we gain a deeper sense of belonging today. She was highly motivated to help others know that they do belong, that we all belong to beautiful though crazy families. And because she knew family is far more than bloodlines, Brandi firmly believed that we are all truly brothers and sisters, belonging to one another. Brandi will always be remembered for bringing us together as family.

Brandi was always involved in her church and in the community. Her volunteerism was vast. After her undergraduate, she was Treasurer for the North American Foundation for Keele University in Staffordshire, UK. Brandi was also involved in Junior League of Collin County, TX, in which she served as Treasurer, Secretary, and other chairs, including Collin County Council on Family Violence. She eventually became a sustainer with Junior League of The Woodlands, TX. Her volunteerism came from a place of loving others wherever they lived.

Brandi loved to travel because she loved people. She traveled for work to countries like Germany and South Korea, and traveled with friends to countries like France, Greece, Mexico, Australia, and New Zealand, and traveled with family to countries like Canada, The Caribbean, England, Ireland, and Italy. Her worldwide travels were a result of seeing everyone belonging together as a global family.

Brandi’s faith was essential throughout her entire life. She had fond memories from her childhood of the people at Bay Area Christian Church in Webster, TX where her faith in Christ blossomed in the Ark. In adulthood, Brandi was fully initiated into the Catholic Church at St. Anthony of Padua Catholic Church, The Woodlands, TX by then Msgr. George A. Sheltz. Brandi remained actively involved at St. Anthony’s, especially through the ACTS retreats, food pantry, marriage prep, and music ministries.

Brandi had a love and excitement for learning, for music, and for travel. She was inspired by Audrey Hepburn and Saint Mother Teresa to see the good in everyone and the beautiful in God’s creation. Music, no matter the style, was for Brandi the natural harmonics echoing from the soul. She sang from her soul always lifting up her voice with the angels and her ancestors so others too could connect with one another and with God.

Brandi is survived by her loving husband, James Daniel Spurgin (m. December 31, 1997), her parents Raymond George and Janet Lynne (Chatel) Baker, her brother Scott Allen (Meagan Tarbutton) Baker, her half-sister Laura Amanda (Morgan Ory) Baker, her godmother Dolly (Bill) Chatel-Dodd, her brothers-in-law John (Jennifer) Spurgin, Kristofer (Andrea) Spurgin, Geoffrey (Sara) Spurgin, her mother-in-law Patricia Spurgin, numerous aunts, uncles, cousins, and her many amazing nephews and nieces who knew her as Auntie BB.

Because family for Brandi was more than blood, she is also survived by friends whom she considered family: Cindy Latimer (Ivo) Damman, friend-like-sister since elementary school, Annette Wimsatt and Dave Dwinell, neighbors who were adopted into the family since Brandi and James’ first house, and her sisters-in-Christ from ACTS at her church.

Flesh Not Text

That which is not explicitly mentioned in the Bible reveals much to us. Yet we struggle with that because our hearts are hardened and our minds confused.

The more we seek detailed explication in written words about the Word of God, the greater the legalistic our minds become. We are easily confused by all the words, yet we keep seeking more words when words fail us; thus our confusion. When confusion clouds our minds, our hearts become harden to the fullness of God's revelation. If we focus only on the text of the Bible, we can too easily miss the reason the words were written in the first place. The Bible encourages us to have a relationship with God. The Bible is a collection of God’s love letters to us. And the Word of his Love is Jesus.

God did not become the Incarnate Word to be reduced down to the written word. The Word was made flesh, not text. We must fall in love with the person of Jesus, the Christ, the Savior, the Incarnate Word of God, the Logos, the King of Kings, the Son of God, the Second Person of the Trinity.

What do I mean? Well let me recognize first the irony I'm about to embark here. Yes, I am attempting to explain through the use of written words that which is best experienced through a relationship. The Word of God must first be understood as incarnate. That is, God became man in the person of Jesus, who is the Son of God sent by God the Father for the Salvation of all.

The Holy Spirit dwells with us today to guide and protect the Church, the Body of Christ. The Church gathers believers together so they may have a shared relationship with God and one another. Our relationship with God is initiated by God and our response in faith is to know Him, to love Him, and to serve Him. This is why the Word was written down, so all may come to believe and worship God who brings us the promise of everlasting life in an eternal communion with Him.

Yes, each of us is to have a relationship with God. More specifically, Jesus the Christ, the Son of God, the Incarnate Word entered into our reality to change minds and hearts so all may be saved from the darkness of sin and eternal death. In order for us to be saved, each of us must have a lifelong relationship with God. Jesus shows us that way. The Bible is our written invitation to that relationship. 

How are we to enter into and sustain this relationship? We say yes to God’s invitation to love every moment of every day. This is only possible if we accept God's help, that is, His grace. Once we say yes to enter into a relationship with God, we require grace to transform us and to sustain the relationship. Grace comes not from the text on the page, but through the loving actions of the Church brought about by the power of the Holy Spirit. 

Where do we find God's grace? We find His grace in the Church. While the Church uses the written word to help communicate God's Word, the Church is not a library. The Church is the Body of Christ, commissioned to boldly proclaim the Gospel. God does not call us to love the Bible, He calls us to love Him.

We are to be nourished by God's Word. The Word of God is Jesus Christ. We are to become one with Christ so in Him we can be one with God the Father through the power of the Holy Spirit. Christ calls us to love like God so we may be in communion with the Blessed Holy Trinity, the source and model of love.

Consider the difference between a person and a book about a person. Which is best to know the person? The person, of course. Yes, a book can help someone begin to know the person, but a book is nothing compared to the person.

So too the written text about God is nothing compared to the divine persons of the Trinity. If you have ever been in a loving relationship, you know that even the most touching love letter cannot compare to the loving touch of the actual person. God touches us most intimately through the Sacraments, especially the Eucharist, the Sacrament of Love.

The written word in the Bible is a love letter to you. God has given you the greatest love letter through the Church. We continue to reread this love letter everyday in special acts of love called prayer and worship. We also continue to unpack the richness of this love letter through the great Deposit of Faith, that is Sacred Scripture and Sacred Tradition. 

The fullness of God's revelation is found not in a book but in the person of Jesus Christ. We are to love not the text in the Bible. We are to love the person of Jesus, who leads us to the Father, by the power of the Holy Spirit.

The Vastness of Space

All of creation is brought forth by the

love of God, both the heavens and the

earth. We see beauty in creation

because we experience love. 

Yet when we gaze into the vastness of

space, we realize there is an inescapable void. A void that exists because of the moments in which we neglect one another, neglect ourselves, neglect love. When we turn away from love, the vastness of space appears to be consumed by the void.

The vastness of space can be overwhelming, resulting in us feeling insignificant and unlovable. We are easily caught up in the void. But the void always appears in between and amongst the beauty of love.

The beauty of love is visible to us, in a

myriad of colors and shapes, like

sunlight bouncing off clouds in the sky. And even the void is shaped by the surrounding clouds of love. The clouds move, able to diminish the void, or even fill the space in which the void used to occupy. We can choose to get lost in the void or we can choose to be found among the clouds.

When I am with her, I am surrounded by the clouds. And though the void remains, I am no longer diminished by it.

When I am with her, I see colors of

beauty swimming in the sky. And

though the void remains, she and I are

significant and lovable.

When I am with her, the vastness of

space abounds with love.

The Prism of Intimacy

In recent years, I have matured in my understanding of and need for intimacy. Much of this is a result of having been married for almost twenty-five years. Perhaps too many individuals, like my younger self, have made intimacy synonymous with romantic love. While intimacy and love are definitely connected, intimacy is far greater and more beautiful than just romantic love. 

Intimacy can be explained like viewing the colors of love through a prism. I have longed looked at love as color. Perhaps in another post I will expound on love as color. For now, I will briefly introduce the notion.

Just as there are many yet defined colors, so too love is varied yet confined. Love is limited only by its nature, like anything of reality. Love, like color, can only be seen when at play. Let me pause here and repeat that for this to be fully appreciated. Love can only be seen when at play. Yes, please look at love as an act of play. Love is so essential that we must remember how much work it takes to choose love. Love is always a choice! Yet the work required and the choice necessary don't take away from love as play. Joyful play is alway work and always a choice. So we must never forget that love is an act of play, an act of joy done with another or with others. Okay, now onto color.

You never see just blue, you see the blue sky for example. You never see just red, you see a red heart. And some colors are made possible when mixing or joining together for a common purpose. For example, blue and red together make purple. And some colors when placed next to one another complement or vibrate together, like purple and yellow. There is an entire field of color theory, not only to help artists use color effectively, but to understand the psychology and wisdom of colors on the human condition.

Well, love as color is an entry for another time. I want to focus on the prism of intimacy. So for now, just keep your awarness of color theory in mind and your experiences of color at heart.

The myriad of colors from light is viewable through a prism. The light is there whether you see it or not. And the colors are only visible to the human eye when you penetrate a ray of light with a triangular, transparent shape, like a cut diamond. The diamond refracts the light off its surfaces causing the optical effect of spreading out the light into visible colors. So how does this relate to intimacy?

Well, intimacy and love are never without each other, just as light and color exist simultaneously. However we can only see the colors of light when shining off a diamond, for example. So with intimacy and love, we can see the types (colors) of love when (the Light of) Love shines off the persons exchanging love. And in this exchanging love, intimacy is experienced.

The multi-faceted exchanges of love are visible through the correct lens (the prism) that God has designed and incorporates in His plan for life and love. Intimacy is the interplay of exchanging love, not the prism (it's the lens of faith) , not the diamond (it's the persons who love), not the colors (it's the types of love), nor the light (it's the source of love). This is perhaps why intimacy and love are sometimes confused or intimacy is limited to just one kind of love. Our hedonistic and narcissistic culture does not help our understanding of love nor intimacy either, but I digress.

Intimacy is that interplay of exchanging love between two or more persons who share the love they first received from God. So two people can share intimacy in just an emotional loving way. For example, two friends share an intimate moment of joy when sharing wonderful news. Sally tells Jane that she is engaged to Steve, her long-time boyfriend. Perhaps that intimate moment burst on the scene like a sunshine of colors from yellow to red. Or a parent shares an intimate moment of sorrow with his or her child when explaining an impending divorce and its impact on their family. Perhaps that intimate moment refracted a heavy ray of colors from blues to deep, dark purples. Hopefully you see the point.

Again intimacy is the interplay of exchanging love, which has a myriad of colors. Sharing tragic news may not seem like a loving moment at first glance, but every moment of sorrow requires love to sustain us. This is clear when you pause and look closely through the prism of intimacy, when you see in the moment of exchange that love shines or refracts off the individuals who experience intimacy, that closeness made possible because of exchanging love. If there is no love exchanged, there is no intimacy; there are no colors to be seen, nor light shining. Without intimacy, there is only darkness, a void of light, the absence of love.

So intimacy can involve different types of love, not just romantic love. And intimacy has a range of intensity. Friends experience intimacy when they exchange love. Such intimacy need not always be experienced from a place of vulnerability, which is often the most intense type of intimacy. For example, two friends may simply have an inside joke that only the two of them understand. That's because they shared at one point in their friendship an intimate moment that made them laugh together. So intimacy has a spectrum of possibilities because love can be exchanged in a variety of ways, depending on the type of relationship between persons and the quality of the moment mutually experienced. Wherever there is love exchanged, intimacy exists to some degree.

The layers of intimacy involve physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual interactions. Any interaction between two individuals involves all four layers to varying degrees. The level of intimacy is related to the varying layers of interactions. In God's plan for life and love, a married couple seeks to have a mutual exchange of love so all layers of intimacy are reciprocated equally between husband and wife. This spousal intimacy is designed by God to be free, full, fruitful, and forever. Therefore the mutual commitment to intimacy between husband and wife is essential for marriage. This is why the Church teaches that marriage involves the reciprocal gift of self between spouses. Spousal intimacy goes far beyond romantic love. Spousal intimacy is a lifetime of choosing the joy found in giving oneself completely to thou's beloved.

So the prism of intimacy bursts with a myriad of colorful love, ranging from friendship to marriage to family.

Signs of God's Prescence

If you have lost a loved one or are separated from a loved one for a long time, you know the power of signs. The signs of the presence of a loved one are so powerful that they can connect us in a real way to the actual presence of that loved one. For example, a photograph of your loved one may be framed by your bedside so you feel his or her presence with you as you sleep. Or you repeatedly read a hand-written love letter to evoke the spirit of that person in the present moment. These kinds of signs are beautiful gifts when space and time separate us from one another. Yet we engage only temporary signs and encounter only loving memories.

The signs of God’s presence in our lives are even more powerful. The greatest signs of God's presence are called sacraments. These seven unique signs instituted by Christ are perhaps the most powerful and most mysterious. The Seven Sacraments are "the signs and instruments by which the Holy Spirit spreads the grace of Christ the head throughout the Church which is his Body" (Catechism of the Catholic Church 774). In the section on the Mystery of the Church, the Catechism explains that the Church is the sacrament of Salvation. Her first purpose is "to be the sacrament of the inner union of men with God" and "the unity of the human race" (775). Therefore we rely on the Church to dispense the sacramental graces given to her by Christ, who is the primordial sacrament, that is the beginning of making visible the invisible reality of God's life and love to the world. And who is the Church? You and I, as baptized members, are the Church. Christ has handed on to us His plan of Salvation! How many of us understand this? How many of us accept this? How many of us embrace this calling and all of what this means?

There is one very basic sacrament that seems to be often diminished, ignored, or neglected. This sacrament is not one of the seven. This sacrament is the human person, whom Christ raised to a sacrament by the Incarnation. Each one of us who is baptized is a temple of the Holy Spirit. Yes! Dwelling within each of us is the true presence of God! And so as a member of the Body of Christ, you are called to be a sacrament, a visible sign of Christ to the world. In fact, God’s plan of Salvation depends on each of us baptized members to be a sign of God’s presence in the world. None of the Seven Sacraments are possible without someone accepting and participating in God's grace. God does not force His grace on anyone. As Mary our Mother models for us, God waits for our yes to His calling.

Now let me be clear, I am not nor are you the true or real presence of God. We are only signs. Yet the real presence of God is known only through us baptized members of the Church, both clergy and laity together. You and I, as baptized members of the Church, are signs of God’s presence in the world. How amazing! How beautiful! How humbling! 

I can know and experience God through you like no other sign. More than a photograph or icon and more than a love letter or prayerful words, you and I as temples of the Holy Spirit make present God to the world! This is such an amazing mystery that should definitely humble us. We are called not for comfort but for greatness on God's behalf. 

When we show love to another person, we are living icons of God engaging in real time and in real space. Each of us is called to say yes to God, so He can love through us, so God’s love can be experienced by another person. Wow!

We all need God in our lives and God is made present through us. This is His plan of Salvation. God who created us in his image and likeness relies on each of us to be Christ to one another through our words and deeds. So please do not take for granted or dismiss your participation in grace. God relies on you too much to ignore your unique role that He has for you. God asks of each of us to be His Body for the sake of Salvation. Embrace and go forth as a sign of God's presence in the world.

Dance Life Together

God's plan for human relationship involves seeking out one another intentionally and communicating according to the needs of the other, or one's beloved, while discovering more about oneself. So if I personalize my explanation it would go something like this...

Our relationship requires an alignment with who I understand myself to be, who I understand you to be, and who I understand us to be. And the same would be true for you. Our relationship also requires an ordered progression with natural movement, much like music and dancing. We encounter one another intimately over time, step by step, synchronized, and reciprocating in mutuality. The steps we make together are to be aligned with divine order, that is God's Plan, and aligned with human nature, that is the authentic, uniquely us as created by God. If aligned with God's Plan and the uniqueness of each of us, our relationship would flow like music and move like dancing. Sometimes our relationship will be rocky and fast while other times slow and smooth. Knowing the variety of melodies and being opened to every step along the way, together we would partner through life successfully and happily as we dance life together.

Part of God's order is for Man to initiate with the Woman only after he has responded to God's initiative. The Woman is to receive or reject the Man's initiative but only in light of what she has first received from God. 

To break this down further in our relationship, I respond to your movement in kind but in my own way through both what I say (Word) and what I do (Deed). I acknowledge you through a new motion of my own yet in like response to what I received from you. My new motion must be in kind to yours for you to receive me well, otherwise, we are most likely stepping on each other's feet. And that is inevitable to happen from time to time, especially early in our relationship or when we are out of sync with each other. I can add something new of me each step of the way as I gradually learn from you. Yet anything new of me given must make sense to you. And I must be open to you and what you communicate to me if I am to keep in rhythm with you. This starts for me with what I understand about you, me, and us. 

This is at the essence of Man's initiative. He must know enough of her and of himself to respond in kind to her. If not, then he is likely just jerking her around the dance floor. Or she is not following his lead.

With each small encounter between us, I build up an understanding of who you are, who I am, and who we are together. Yet we are best to realize that we can never fully understand You, I, or Us. There will always be something new to seek out, discover, learn, explore, and share with one another. This is the beautiful part of dancing our way through life. There is always something new to discover, rekindle, or simply cherish in the present moment together. We can recall what we know of each other, and cherish our moments like reciting lyrics or whistling notes of a song to which we enjoy dancing together.

Each of us must begin with trusting. Trusting God has brought us together for a relationship. Trusting oneself to be there for the other. Trusting the other to hold you while dancing in life. Trust aids in understanding the kind of relationship God has called us to have today. Understanding today guides our actions in the now, and transforms our future actions. That is God's plan for human relationships, to dance life together.

The Scars of Life

Life is not without scars, and I find this wonderful and beautiful. No, what had to have happened to cause the scar is not beautiful, nor wonderful. The scar is a sacramental sign of God's healing power embodied within us. What a marvelous miracle!

As a child, I took pride in my most prominent scar, a wicked looking one on my right wrist. The pains I endured to reach that point still haunt me, and my mother. Yet the lessons I learned from that day are invaluable because of God's grace flowing within my family and the community.

My scars remind me of pain, yes, but more importantly scars remind me of a life worth living. A life of friendly banter, of sibling play, of parental guidance, of spousal intimacy, of sacrifice, of endurance, of forgiveness, of reconciliation, of restoration. Most importantly, the scars of my life remind me of God's powerful healing grace working not only in my body but also through everyone who has ever loved me and everyone I have ever loved and still love today.

This might not be theologically sound, but when I see the Blessed Sacrament, I see the scar tissue of Christ. I see the scars He surely had as a young boy and as a young man. Ultimately I do see the scars from the Cross. Mystically I see His wounds healed, which reveal to me The Resurrection. Wow, I kneel before Him amazed. God himself stands proud to show us His scars. This is so powerful to me, for He is like me or I am like Him in this small yet significant way. The Host reveals to me a life of indescribable Sacrifice, Mercy, and Love, a life beyond human comprehension. Truly the scars of our own lives can reveal to us too a life of wonder and beauty.