Crossing the Bridge

I am crossing the bridge between surviving and thriving. Over the past year I have been living the life of a surviving spouse. I never had given that label much thought prior to the passing of my wife. When I first came across this label applied to me, I resisted it and resented it, understandably so. I felt like I had not survived anything. I was devasted by the loss of my wife. Not until the aftermath of the shock had I begun to understand the survival mode involved in the grieving process. 

I was definitely surviving once the shock began to lessen. I began to survive minute by minute, then hour by hour, and then day by day. Even after more than a year, there are days where I am just surviving with my tears of mourning.

Those days have begun to occur with less frequency. So I have reflected on how this has occurred. Yes, time is a factor, but time alone does not heal. Time does allow for healing, but the real healing begins because of hope entering into one's heart. This light of hope in my heart comes from my Christian faith, no doubt. Yet this faith cannot exist in isolation.

I cannot live my life of faith alone. Honestly I do not know how anyone can live alone in this world. God created us to be for one another. Even God himself is not alone. God is the perfect communion of persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Each of us is made in the image and likeness of God. That is, I am to be in communion with other people. My family, friends, and faith community support me and accompany me along my way.

Because I have this strong conviction to the vocation of being a husband again, God calls me to be in an intimate communion with my next beloved woman of God. The hope I see in this vocation is the light on the other side of this bridge that I am walking, from a life of surviving to a life of thriving. I am eager to return to such a life.

I know first hand what such a thriving life of a husband is like. I once had that life. Yet I am not seeking that exact life again, not at all. The woman whom God is preparing for me is not the same woman who was my wife. This is why I must trust that God is making me ready for her, my new beloved. He is preparing us so that together we may thrive according to his will, not ours.

I walk this bridge, not alone, but with two women. First I continue to walk with my first wife who has passd this earthly existence into the next. She remains in my heart for all eternity. Our love remains an essential part of me. The other woman on this bridge is my future beloved whom God is making ready for me. She too is with me, but veiled. God will reveal us to one another when he has made us ready, at his time and in his way.

If we cross this bridge too quickly, I could miss her or she could miss me. God wants us to know one another as beloveds so we must trust that he walks with us too on this journey to one another. God desires for us to meet on the other side of this bridge where we will thrive together in love, joy, and peace. This is where my trust rest, on this bridge from surviving to thriving where God walks with us, never alone, always together.